i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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