Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The struggles of a small town man whore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
