I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
