So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
