I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
