Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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