I murdered the dance floor call the cops
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
