So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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