fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
