Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
