Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
