Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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