I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
