The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
