I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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