I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
