I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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