you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
