The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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