i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
