So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
