Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Farmville is her only friend.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
