Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
