I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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