you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
