Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
