I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
