think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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