Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
being pregnant is like rehab
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
