Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
