smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize