I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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