So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
