i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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