oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
