i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the day after is always just damage control
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
