Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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