i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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