remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
