what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
