I wanna passion pit in your ass
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
