i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
