Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
