his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
