I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
