I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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