life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
