id be glad to
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
