you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
