Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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