Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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