Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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