Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
