3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
