I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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