she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
