I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
