he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so let's talk penis.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize