sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
