I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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