And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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