none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
