Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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