I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
