I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
