If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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