I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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