You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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