youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
