I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
too bad you live with your parents still
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
