I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
