she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
