tell your sister to shave her snatch
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
