The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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