Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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