I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
