Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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