you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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