Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
