I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
