that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
