He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize