you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
