Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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