mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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