My first STD was from a foam party
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It's never too late to be topless.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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