Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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