There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
