i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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