why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
