I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
