i'm lost and i look like a hooker
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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