I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
